From elation to inadequate!!!

I sit with my hands paused over the key board, trying to decide how to start this post. I like to run. I find it helps me deal with the stresses of my day to day life and helps make me feel good. Teaching is a stressful job; managing the expectations of the leadership, helping your team and trying to do the best for your students. All the time being judged on last year’s performance. A performance that you individually have only some control over. At the end of the day how our students perform on the day has a lot to do with our students as well as the teacher in the classroom. 

Anyway I digress, to help me with the stresses of my job and to ensure that I don’t kill my husband, I run. The husband thing is one of the emotional experiences I have now I am fully into my menopause. Feelings of uncontrolled anger that comes from nowhere, don’t seem to have a cause and can go just as quickly. I, of course, don’t want to murder my hubby so I get myself outside and I run.

Today I got up early, drove 50 minutes to participate in a 10K race advertised as downhill. It was almost downhill the whole way. Undulating for the first 2.5K and then downhill for the rest with a step slope down to the finish. I thought it was going to be a wet one, but as we went to the start line the rains stopped. Apart from a very large puddle which meant that we all got wet feet at the beginning it was smooth sailing. Kept the first 5K steady not trying to over do it and then I let go in the final 5K. Crossing the line and stepped over to the side and look down at my watch to see that I had managed a sub-50 minute 10K. I was so pleased with myself. 

When I got home I did what many people do I posted on my Instagram account. Apparently this is called putting it on my Insta. I have set up an account to go with my Facebook group and this blog. (If your interested it @itsfbiiec, can you guess what that stands for?). As it is all about shoes, maybe handbags and outfits I thought I would follow some of the brands that I wear. Whilst at the run I realised I was wearing my USA Pro top. Don’t think it is specifically a running top, but I like it. It stops me from jiggling about too much. Cause no-one is got time for too much jiggling when you are running. So I thought I would follow USAProWoman on Instagram. 

Once this happen my feed was awash with young ladies all wearing different colours and styles of their USA Pro gear at a Well-being retreat. It all looked lovely, but as I scrolled one after the other of these young ladies I started feeling inadequate. That I should not be wearing this brand, that I am not young enough,  pretty enough, smiley enough. Well you get the idea. It is ludicrous to think like that, but that is how these images can make people feel. I have nothing against these young ladies, they were all shapes and sizes and different ethnicities and they looked lovely, but I was conscious there was no-one like me and maybe I shouldn’t be seen outside my house in my top. I realise that it is a marketing tool to advertise it your demographic but it was just quite overwhelming how old and inadequate it made me feel.

I am not writing this for people to tell me “I am pretty enough” or “good enough”, I am not looking for sympathy, rather I want to make a point. More needs to be done to normalise the world around us. For all shapes, sizes and ages to be represented in the media, social or otherwise. So people aren’t made to feel that they are inadequate.

The next day I was pleased that during my scrolling I saw a lovely advert from Facebook with a grey haired older lady showing off their fashions and Dior celebrated women of different ages. It was uplifting, but I still feel that we are under represented or pigeon holed into a particular brand or style. 

To finish on a high note, I managed a respectable 49:15 minute 10K time, came 109th out 430 overall, was the 21st female out of 230 and came 4th for my age group (50-59) out of 42. So I shouldn’t feel inadequate and I did deserve to wear my USA Pro top, passing many of lovely young ladies as I ran.

Thanks

Lois